Oh endo, why art thou back?

 I find it somewhat ironic that since sharing an old post for Endometriosis Awareness Month, I’ve been in increasing amounts of pain. So much so that my voice is husky and I was sent home early from work. The fatigue has dropped like a curtain behind my eyes, eyes that are ever brimming with tears of frustration, sadness and hormones. 

I should rewind a bit as I realise I’ve not posted since before my second surgery. 

In October 2019 I had excision surgery with an endo specialist. I was in hospital over night, on oxygen and good pain killers. Apart from one stupid doctor - who told me I was infertile, late at night, while on my own, mistakenly - it was a much better experience compared to my first surgery. She got all the deep spots of endo and checked my fallopian tubes which are all clear. 

Since then I had mainly good, pain free/super low pain days. I’ve learnt my triggers (processed cheap meat, too much dairy milk, too much booze, too much exercising) and started a new job (Jan 2020) which is less physically demanding (not helping turn patients every 2 hours) but still only part time. 

(I’m going to skip over the whole pandemic/covid thing as I could write a lot about it and I’m sure everyone is getting sick of it being everywhere.)

Around October/November my pain days were getting more frequent and more intense so I called the doc. I asked him to restart my pregabalin, and refer me to gyn for an ultrasound. He was super patronising and said we’d just try the meds and see how I got on (his tone was awful). I didn’t get on well, so I phoned again and they wanted to see me in person (unheard of these days right?!?). So on the 21st of Dec I saw the loveliest GP I’ve ever come across. She did a physical exam, upped my med dose, really talked me through the meds, put in an urgent gyn referral and arranged a blood test to rule out anything there (they were fine). I was told an urgent referral could be about six weeks, I was seen in three. I saw a wonderful (female) gyn in January, she really listened to me and my symptoms. She did a TV (internal) ultrasound and examination. No cysts were shown, my mirena coil is in the right place (except I’ll need surgery to get it removed as the strings are gone) and my uterus is nice and mobile. She talked me through all my surgical notes and best options. We decided it was best to stick to the pregabalin/ibuprofen and not pursue surgery at this time as I don’t want to have surgery too often although I know it lies in my future. She was very reassuring. 

That pretty much brings us up to now. The last few days have been horrendous. I went to work on Sunday but just couldn’t shake the pain, took ibuprofen and paracetamol with my breakfast, normally at least takes the edge off so I can get through the shift. I even put a heat pack in my waistband. Luckily it was quiet and my colleagues were brilliant and really helped me and I was sent home early. I’ve had to leave shifts early (different jobs) before but never for endo (sick days due to it though) and I’ve never been sent home before. I felt supported which is lovely but I also kinda felt like a burden. 

Yesterday was spent curled up on the couch with various animals, a hot water bottle and Netflix. Today I managed to wash my hair, put clothes away and put a wash on before collapsing on the sofa, with various animals, a hot water bottle and Billie Eilish’s documentary on AppleTV (highly recommend). Tomorrow I’m hoping to manage a dog walk with F, one step at a time to get myself back to normality...whatever that means these days.

My hips are tight and sore. My knees feel heavy. My pelvis is stiff and achy. My uterus tries to jump out my body if I’m vertical. My ovaries feel like they’ve fallen out with each other and are trying to get as far apart as possible. I’ve got a dull headache accompanied by brain fog and heavy heavy fatigue.

I can pick up my higher dose of pregabalin on Friday, hopefully that combined with healthier eating, and cutting the booze (for awhile) will see me through *fingers crossed*. I’d love another year at least before getting to the point of needing more surgery. Trying to stay positive but scared I’ll end up as bad as I was, off for weeks or pushing myself to manage work that I couldn’t do anything else. Really hope this is just a flare-up that’s going to lose its spark like a firework landing on water. 

...I really miss writing about diving and travelling...and being able to do those things